


Still Standing, Still Smiling

by orphan_account



Category: Free!
Genre: M/M, another fic for a friend, dang u suit making me wanna write makorin, im gonna maybe add some porn stuff probably, look forward to that suit, which is why its rated m
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-17
Updated: 2014-05-23
Packaged: 2018-01-25 13:27:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1650263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Makoto would never say he loved Rin. Not now, especially.</p>
<p>Still, he would only barely manage to stop his hand from inching closer to the hand of the man he loved, the man who loved his best friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hands

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ronaldknox](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ronaldknox/gifts).



> i wrote this fic for a friend ok i swear ill update my other ones soon
> 
> gross angsty to fluffy makorin ok
> 
> im really sorry this is terrible i literally just write it in the middle of class so

It was times like this that Makoto had to question his self-control. Oh, he was usually great about it, he could keep Haru from making a scene, keep Nagisa from accidentally landing them all in the principal's office, keep Ren and Ran from fighting over dinner. He was the voice of reason, the one that remained sane throughout all the ridiculous antics of the swim club. Still, he always felt that something was different at times like this.

He was painfully aware Rin breathing evenly next to him, head lolling to the side in deep, well-earned sleep. The train shook underneath them, jostling the sleeping boy from time to time, but he never woke up. He looked peaceful, no furrowed eyebrows or angry snarl. His lips were just barely parted, breath materializing as puffs of steam in the cold air of winter.

Every nerve in Makoto's body itched to reach out and grab the hand that had fallen from Rin's leg.  _It would be so easy,_ he thought,  _so simple to just move his fingers across the miniscule space and lace them with Rin's._ His fingers twitched involuntarily.  _No,_ he said, mumbling to himself under his breath, repeating the one word to himself to keep from reaching for the red-haired boy. He brought his hands back into his lap, clamped his thighs around them like a vice, stared out of the window and watched the city go by. He did not look at Rin.

The stop outside Samezuka was announced, and Makoto reached over and shook Rin's thigh. He woke with a start, eyes blinking owlishly, framed with lashes that were almost too think. Makoto found his gut sinking, threatening to drop through the floor of the bus and take him with it. His hand was still resting on Rin's thigh, and he pulled it away before the other boy could notice it.

It burned.

Rin gave him a lopsided smile before grabbing his bag and standing up. He waved a quick goodbye to Mako as he stepped onto the platform, then the doors closed and he was gone.

Makoto often found himself wondering what Rin would do if Makoto didn't take the train. Who would wake him up before his stop, who would occupy the sole seat next to him? Makoto entertained the thought of Rin missing his stop, of Rin sleeping on the train until it reached the stop near Makoto's house, being told to get off because the train didn't travel any farther. He imagined Rin showing up at the door of his house, deciding to see him instead of walking the few miles back to his dorm at Samezuka, of Rin falling asleep in his room and-

Makoto shook his head, tugging softly at his hair with the hand he was leaning on. _No,_ he told himself again. His right hand moved to grab the hand of the boy that was no longer there.

_No._

Makoto laid his hand on the seat next to him, traces of Rin's heat still clinging to the rough fabric.

_No._

The next stop was announced, and Makoto grabbed his bag even though there was one stop left before he had to get off and walk the rest of the way home. He ruffled through his belongings, looking for nothing in particular but pulling out his phone. He opened it, staring at the blank screen for a few seconds before opening his inbox and reading through old messages. Nagisa, Nagisa, Haru, Nagisa, Gou, Haru, Nagisa, Gou, Rin-

He froze, finger hovering over the name. He opened the message.

 

**From: Rin**

<1 January 2014 00:14>

happy new year, man!

 

Makoto sighed. It wasn't as if the message would have been anything important. Rin never texted him about important things, or talked to him in person about them either. That was better left for Haru or the little roommate of Rin's that worshiped the ground he walked on. He refused to be upset by that fact.

His stop was announced, and he bolted upright. He hurried off the train through the same doors Rin had gone through, his fingers brushing momentarily over the place Rin's hand had rested.

_No._

He stepped off of the train, the metal platform cold beneath his feet.

_No._

He shoved his hands into his pockets and began walking. 

_Haru._

He shivered.

_Not me._

He could feel tears threatening to begin spilling from watery green eyes.

_He loves Haru._


	2. Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It rains. Things are better.

He rode the train home with Rin every night, meeting up with the redhead outside Iwatobi and walking him to the station. Rin's run always ended there, and he boarded the train with Makoto ten minutes afterwards. Every night, Rin fell asleep, and every night Makoto woke him at his stop.

Except for one night.

"Why do you always run to Iwatobi?"

Rin shrugged, shoulders barely brushing the hair that hung down by them. Makoto followed the movement with his eyes, gaze trailing along Rin's collarbone and back up to his face before he shook his head and looked out of the window. He could do it now, he thought. All he had to do was lean over and-

"What does Haru do after school, anyway?"

Rin asked the question innocently, casually, but Mako still felt the weight of a brick settle in his stomach. He fought to keep the look off of his face, grinding out a pained, "He swims. Don't know where." Rin nodded, obviously not satisfied but apparently not willing to press any further. The stone in Makoto's gut grew heavier. The announcer declared that the train was approaching the Samezuka stop. 

In a burst of courage - and maybe stupidity - Makoto grabbed the free-hanging strap of Rin's bag as Rin was about to walk away. "Rin, why do you-" His voice stuck in his throat as Rin turned to look at him, magenta eyes meeting green ones and making Makoto's head spin. Rin blinked, staring at Mako expectantly. The rock was back in his stomach, heavier than ever. His legs felt like water, and he was thankful he was sitting otherwise he most likely would have fallen over. "A-ah, never mind." He released Rin's backpack. "It's nothing."

Rin stared at Makoto for a few more seconds before turning around and stepping off the train with little more than a goodbye. As people filed on, Makoto looked at his hand. It was slightly red from where he had been holding the bag, and the indents from the seams could just barely be seen lining his palm. He got off the train at the next stop, sending a text to his mother to let her know he would walk home and not to worry if he was late to dinner.

It was five minutes before he felt the buzz of his phone against his leg, and he pulled it out to check the message.

 

**From: Haru**

<16 February 2014 17:13>

Rin's upset.

 

**To: Haru**

<16 February 2014 17:15>

What? Why?

 

**From: Haru**

<16 February 2014 17:16>

What did you say to him?

 

**To: Haru**

<16 February 2014 17:18>

Why does it matter??

 

**From: Haru**

<16 February 2014 17:19>

Because.

 

Makoto saw a drop of water hit the screen of his phone and reached up to feel his face. It was dry. Another drop hit his phone, then another, and soon the rain was coming down in thick sheets. Makoto looked around for any sort of cover and noticed a rickety gazebo in the park just across the street. He ran, shielding himself from the downpour as much as he could, until he was safe under the cover of the small wooden roof. He sat down on the bench inside, pulling his phone out again and wiping the cold moisture from the screen. Three new messages.

 

**From: Haru**

<16 February 2014 17:21>

Makoto.

 

**From:Haru**

<16 February 2014 17:23>

Where are you?

 

**From: Haru**

<16 February 2014 17:24>

You aren't home.

 

**To: Haru**

<16 February 2014 17:26>

Out.

 

**From: Haru**

<16 February 2014 17:27>

You'll get sick.

 

**From: Rin**

<16 February 2014 17:27>

you better not be walking home

 

Makoto froze. Rin knew. Rin was talking to Haru. Of _course_ he was talking to Haru. Why wouldn't he be? Makoto put his phone back into his pocket, his stomach turning. This was unfair, he knew it, but he was still upset.

 _Buzz._ One new message.

 _Buzz._ Two new messages.

 _Buzz._ Three new messages.

 _Buzz._ Four new messages.

Makoto never pulled out his phone, he knew what the texts would say anyway. He sat there in silence, on the single bench under the creaking wooden roof, watching the droplets of rain hit the sidewalk. The sound of rain against the roof of the gazebo was calming, but not enough to ease his nerves. He shivered. After a few moments of dithering, he shed his soaked uniform jacket, exchanging it for the dry tracksuit jacket that he kept in his bag. It looked a little awkward, he knew, but he figured anyone caught out in this weather probably wouldn't particularly care if his jacket matched his pants.

 _Buzz._ Five new messages. Makoto pulled out his phone.

 

**From: Haru**

<16 February 2014 17:30>

Don't ignore me.

 

**From: Rin**

<16 February 2014 17: 31>

youre so goddamn stupid mako

 

**From: Rin**

<16 February 2014 17:33>

if you get sick ill kill you

 

**From: Rin**

<16 February 2014 17:37>

where are you anyway

 

**From: Rin**

<16 February 2014 17:40>

im coming

 

Makoto checked the time. 17:46.

 

**To: Rin**

<16 February 2014 17:46>

Don't, youll get sick!!

 

No sooner had Mako sent the text than he heard the soft patter of footsteps against wet sidewalk. It was quiet, far away, almost a calming rhythm if Makoto didn't know who was coming. The footsteps sped up, slowed, sped up again, slowed again, before coming to a halt. Rin stood in front of Makoto in his tracksuit, red hair hanging loose and dripping. He was panting heavily, and Makoto briefly wondered if he had run all the way from Samezuka. He shook the thought away. Neither one spoke, the only noise between the two was the soft sound of rain.

"You idiot."

Rin walked forward into the shelter of the gazebo. Makoto could feel his heart pounding in his throat, threatening to break free, but he just forced it down and moved to one side of the bench. Rin sat next to him, shaking a bit of the water out of his hair as he did so. Makoto looked over at him.

"You'll get sick, Rin."

"'S okay," The other boy mumbled in return. Makoto returned his gaze to his hands, turning his phone over and over again in his long fingers. The silence between them was pregnant, suffocating, and Makoto found himself wondering why Rin had even come at all if he wasn't going to talk.

They sat there for the better part of half an hour, Makoto's skin itching the way it always did when he and Rin were in close proximity. He was electrifyingly aware of every movement Rin made, every exhale, every twitch of his fingers or shift of his gaze. Rin, on the other hand, seemed just as uncomfortable as Mako if not more so. He would run his thumb over the back of his hand constantly, his gaze darting from side to side.

 _Wants to get back to Haru, probably,_ Makoto thought contemptuously. The second the thought formed, he mentally kicked himself for thinking that way about his two best friends. It wasn't like he didn't expect it, anyway. Everything Rin did was for swimming, for swimming with Haru, for proving himself better than Haru, for Haru for Haru for Haru. Haru, on the other hand, was passive about everything but swimming and Rin. He would be lying to himself if he said Haru didn't have the same passionate gleam in his eyes when talking about water or Rin.

 _Buzz._ One new message.

 

**From: Haru**

<16 February 2014 18:06>

Talk to Rin.

 

Makoto clenched his teeth, his grip on his phone tightening before loosening in defeat.  _They're your best friends, Makoto._

 

**To: Haru**

<16 February 2014 18:08>

Okay.

 

Makoto gathered his courage, turned to Rin, and opened his mouth to speak, but the redhead cut him off.

"Rain's stopped," he said, standing up abruptly. "I'll walk you home." He turned around and extended his hand to Makoto stiffly. Mako just stared at it for a few seconds. Rin sighed. "Come on, you don't have to say anything. I just don't want you stuck in this weather alone."

"Rin, that isn't-"

Rin looked at Makoto expectantly, extending his hand just a little bit farther to remind him that it was still there.

"Fine," Makoto sighed, "It couldn't do any harm." He reached out and took Rin's hand, reveling in the feeling of skin on soft skin.

_Haru._

They stepped out of the gazebo.

_But he's not with Haru._

Rin shoved his hands in his pockets, Makoto reached up to hold the straps of his backpack.

_He's here._

Makoto's shoulder brushed softly against Rin's.

_With me._

**Author's Note:**

> oop sorry suit im really tired so i dont think ill upload the next chapter until tomorrow
> 
> kudos?? comments???? maybe????? pls


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